CREED – RAIN lyrics

“Rain”

Can you help me out, can you lend me a hand?
It’s safe to say that I’m stuck again
Trapped between this life and the light
I just can’t figure out, how to make it right…

A thousand times before
I’ve wondered if there’s something more… something more…

I feel it’s gonna rain like this for days
So let it rain down and wash everything away
I hope that tomorrow the sun will shine
With every tomorrow comes another life…

I feel it’s gonna rain, for days and days
(I feel it’s gonna rain)
I tried to figure out, I can’t understand…
What it means… to be whole again…
Trapped between the truth and the consequence
Nothing’s real, nothing’s making sense…

A thousand times before
I’ve wondered if there’s something more… something more…

I feel it’s gonna rain like this for days
So let it rain down and wash everything away
I hope that tomorrow the sun will shine
I feel it’s going to rain like this… rain like this… rain like this…

Fall down, wash away my yesterdays
Fall down, so let the rain fall down on me…

I feel it’s gonna rain like this for days
Let it rain down and wash everything away
I hope that tomorrow the sun will shine
I feel it’s going to rain like this… rain like this…

So let the rain fall…
I feel it’s gonna rain like this… rain like this…
So let the rain fall down…
I feel it’s gonna rain like this…

I feel it’s gonna rain.

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In The Realization Of Life II

friendship-day

Well I think if you really go out with someone for quite a long time you do get to know each other very, very well, you go through the good times, you go through the bad times. You know both personally, but also within a relationship as well. Synonymous

I’ve been thinking about this post for more than a week now and I still cannot come up with one word. I have the material in my head but i’m really busy figuring out the current situation, I just cannot let the words flow, it’s killing me.

However, I just want to say that time passes very quickly, we should appreciate the moment and live it up, happiness or sadness, live it, appreciate it because it’s meant to happen and not random. Things will be straightened out, troubles will be solved and loved ones will be exchanged with even more lovely dudes. Do not worry, God never forgets you if you don’t.

Emotions! “Masha3eer”

The other day I was asked about the things that I’d do to be happy and awesome. Without hesitation, I immediately said” writing, I wanna be a writer”. Then, it was followed by another predictable question”why?” “Because I think I’m a good listener and listeners have no one to talk to, they just listen so my book’s gonna be the one I need most”.

I’m not a big fan of emotions, I truly want to be a real man because the real man is the one who controls his emotions and puts them aside when it comes to decisions but I’ve found that emotions are literally irresistible, maybe because we’re human and this is how we’re built. However, I’ve tried to live by my emotions, to coexist with them and be less affected until I faced a new kind of emotions, a very special one and the first that comes to your mind when emotions are mentioned; it was something called “love”. It cannot be defined but just recognized, you don’t know when you’re in love unless you’re already there.

I thought it was just a coincidence, I thought it was meant to be because something is dependent on it. Apparently, all my thoughts did fit in, perfectly, and I believe in that but it also had many side effects on me. During the journey, it was complete deliriousness, happiness, dedication, devotion, sacrifice… it was simply love! I could care less about sleep or hunger; I used to live on water and love, literally. People used to mention that I’ve changed but that was only because of love. When you’re in love, you get willing to give up on everything you own, your personality, materials, money but your essence. What’s more, you start adopting your other half and be a carbon copy of him/her and I remember it was said to me… “You liken me to the extent that you do every little detail I do”

Yes, I was in love and I don’t regret it but today, it’s all over except my inhibited emotions. I cannot find someone to talk to, I talk to God, I just cannot leave the mosque because I start crying and remember the days I’ve been through. Every night I sit with my family, talk to them and avoid music or sitting alone but now I feel like I’m pushing and forcing myself to tear up!! It’s killing me, the loneliness I mean, reading some diaries and articles, also blogs from the past, I just cannot hold myself anymore, I don’t feel like sleeping nor eating, I’ve been fasting since days. I know God has many things held for me but I am afraid to admit that I enjoy the agony of my love. The remarkable days I been through, will they be repeated with someone else? Will they be exchanged with even nicer and more awesome days? Tomorrow, what does it hold? What kind of surprises does it hide?

Crying is no solution but laughing is what I need too. I’m undecided, I don’t know what to do, and as Adele said “should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavement?”

God bless me, my love as well!!

Mathematically, Life’s A Sine Wave

Exactly one week ago, I used to be very busy with one of my dear friends, he was still single and we were always busy attending meetings and events, hanging out, trying new things and talking all the time. However, today, he’s having fun in Turkey with his wife while I’m enjoying Thursday evening on my own but anyhow I wish both of them the best of luck. Also, my cousins, the ones we used to be compared with as weaker and less fortunate, are in a pickle today. They’re facing many problems with the university, friends and behavior in general. Their dad is asking for help and is dying to get his sons back after they became uncontrollable.

Nevertheless, I’m neither sad nor upset, I admit it hurts a little bit because we cannot give up on those who we love but happiness begins the moment we step out of our comfort zones. I might lose a friend but I just cannot compromise on my future or life. And my uncle, I’m sure he forgot those who needed him when he was at the pinnacle of success and enjoyment, accordingly, nobody will ever care when he’s down struggling to get a helping hand.

What I want to deliver is that life is a sine wave; it’s merely ups and downs. If you’re on the top today, you’ll definitely end up in the bottom the other day and you’re the only one who can help yourself. The reason I guess behind all of that is perfection, because we’re imperfect and cannot have everything at once. Moreover, it’s meant to help us improve and knock on new doors, find more interesting stuff and people, realize the greatness of God and his hidden wisdoms.

I personally had had many problems at the university for the past two years; my GPA was way under 2.0. I got many warnings and was going to stop my studying but thankfully I could raise it up to 2.04, it’s not good or is very bad but it was an enlightening wake up call, I’ve realized the blessing of good friends and family, those who want you to succeed and achieve your future. I’m so thankful and grateful for the problems or the troubles and tests I get constantly in my daily life, I learn from them and sometimes go and look for more in order to learn even more. Failure isn’t bad, on the contrary, it’s the core of the experience, and remember, no matter how bad you think it is, it always could be worse!

In The Realization Of LIFE I

While I was watching a random series on TV today, the husband asks his wife about the most valuable thing she would ever ask for, she simply replied “it’s you, honey; I need you next to me”. That actually pushed me to think about “loss”, it’s the hardest feeling we may ever encounter and experience regardless if it’s people or material and I sincerely have no idea about the reason but I think it goes back to our attachment to life and the fear of change or tomorrow.

Lately, I’ve been forced to lose a card that I always wanted to win and keep close from my heart, trust me you don’t want to know about the grieving process I had. I also still have a few side effects of it but when I started to realize the situation and evaluate it rationally, I found out that I was wrong and it’s not worth it, simply, because I didn’t work hard enough to get it and that was God who sent this card my way, I mean I’d have never found it without God’s guidance and he’ll definitely send me a better one next time if I act patiently.

The moral of this lesson sums up in two sentences, life has always more things to show and offer either its people or material. What’s more, adapt yourself to the change and try new things, don’t let your soul get attached easily to others, exploit every single second of the present and do the things that you’ll not regret in the future. And remember, as long as you do your best, you then don’t have the right to grieve because the better is yet to come and the wind of change is almost inevitable.

Get Busy Livin’ Or Busy Dyin’

advice

A far relative of mine passed away yesterday so I had to go to the funeral today and join the burial. Meanwhile, people were gathering at the mosque to leave to the gravesite together when I had the chance to think about the situation deeply, to mull it over and figure out this phenomenon that’s called heritage. “Well, what did this guy leave behind him? What did he do so people will never forget about him? Do I want to end up like I never exist before?” briefly, those were the questions I mostly had in mind.

I think we all know that death means moving into the other life where the real and eternal life begins, and in my religion it’s said “you’ll wish you could get back to life and do even better things no matter how good you were”. Realizing this reality makes me wonder about the time we spend in such a destructive way, every day we lose many hours in joking around with our friends but when it comes to seriousness, we actually excel at delaying the work.

How many times you remember you wish you did it beforehand? How many times you regretted doing something late because you were lazy to finish your work and then rest? Lately, I’ve been through a journey with the best potentials I always wanted to get, but it had only two choices to be picked, to spend limitless time out with friends and fellows or to make the best out of this potentials and use them up in a productive way. Instinctively, I did go for the first one, I used to be out all of the time only because I enjoy, I gave up on my vision and thought I’m exploiting this opportunity but we never realize the bless until it’s over. Today, it’s almost over; I’m pursuing the end of it and justifying my loss with nervousness and rage.

I simply could choose both of those choices with a sense of priority and discipline, I could do it successfully to the fullest. Accordingly, I admit that I’m going to set it straight next time and do the things that would make me successful, the things that I’m passionate about more than mere laughter and money. Besides, I’m going to attempt to find a bigger purpose that would make me last and add a noticeable change to this poor world.

Eventually, I’d like to say that life is still going no matter what we think of it and your path completely up to you because you’re the only one who’s going to either regret it or enjoy it.

WANTS vs. NEEDS

The other day I was reading in a book about foreign languages, the learning process and how it helps the learner in knowing more about other cultures and get a better understanding of the people and life. My simple journey in learning English language introduced me to a couple of problems that have to do with my vision and the way I judge things. Also, I think it’s an enlightment phase to figure out some basic words that we that we frequently use but don’t really get the meaning of it which in turn leaves us in a real misconception and hesitation.

Little by little, I started to read more and try to use new words to express myself clearly and one day, while I was sitting with a friend, I remember saying “I need to…” but he stopped me and said “you want to…”. That was a shock because I couldn’t pick my words correctly and because I didn’t separate needs from wants. Over and over again, I found out that I frequently choose the wrong word which forced me to settle down and think of those vague words, what distinguishes a need from a want??

Needs are the basic matters we have, they’re what we can’t live without because they’re fixes and uncontrollable such as the need for sleep, food, air, friends, sex and so on…

As for the wants, I think they’re driven by a personal taste and attitude. For instance, the want for a car or a specific kind of food. You can live without your wants but you can’t stay alone for a long time because you need friends or at least normal people to talk to, I mean the need is a priority and should be moved to the top of your list but not to be ignored or thrown away.

Pathetically, our so-called modern society, fake people and characters don’t separate wants from needs, they only concern about wants which build the image they want, and they sacrifice with all their money and effort to get materialistic and worldly stuff leaving their needs unfulfilled behind them. Besides, they don’t get the idea of prioritizing between wants and needs, if only this gives me the prestigious look among my friends and acquaintances, then it’s what I should go for.  Accordingly, depression, frustration and confusion have found their way into us, simply, because we could care less about a need but would kill and sin for a want!!

Aras, The Sacrificer

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If you love a flower, don’t pick it up. Because if you pick it up it dies and it ceases to be what you love. So if you love a flower, let it be. Love in not about possession, love is about appreciation. – OSHO

He was a super fan of nature, rivers, mountains, deserts, seas, and forests were his best desire and ultimate love. He liked colors because it reflects his desire and affection for the nature, and what would be more comprehensive for both nature and colors than Flowers?! He didn’t know that he was looking for Flower on his journey; he thought that all kinds of flowers are the same until he met the real flower. He was looking for a flower without thorns or a bad smell, a flower that is willing to spread good smell and let others enjoy its perfume. Simply, he was looking for Flower.

It was half cloudy, chilly and incredibly quiet evening and Aras, the young ambitious guy is promised to meet Flower for the first time tonight, he had some information about it but it always has different meaning to see Flower face to face. When Aras arrived, he was shocked and astonished. “Is this Flower? Did I travel all that distance to meet this?” Aras said. Ironically, it didn’t take Aras much time to change his thoughts of Flower, once the conversation started, Flower had to express herself and expose her inner side that no one would like to miss. The fragrant, distinguished leaves, shiny colors and honesty are what make Flower special, when she talks, she inspires. When she smiles, she captivates and more importantly, when she grieves, she touches your heart. The night went on, Aras couldn’t ask for her contact info because of the shock he was in but she did give him and insisted to meet again for a cup of coffee.

A week later, they met again; Aras was trembling all the time and didn’t feel alright because he still can’t believe he has all of this, I mean, can you imagine getting all what you wanted overnight without any previous indications? It sounds impossible but it happened this time. However, they had a long night talking over random stuff. Aras left and was still confused of what just happened, he was wondering if it’s a dream or a miracle. Day after day, they were rapidly getting closer to each other; the increasing time they spent together forced Aras to captivate and embrace Flower, he took her into his humble garden. He decided to put it into his own soil that didn’t have enough organic materials or even water, although he insisted to water her from his modest support and encouragement until she becomes fruitful and ready to face life again because she was worn out and exhausted of this oppressive world that devastated her ambitions and forced her to leave its old fertile garden.

Hours slide by like seconds when they meet up; they used to spend over 10 hours a day of talking and talking without a break. They both always had something to say but Flower was much of a talker due to her long life and the experiences she’s been through. Aras, on the contrary, was a very good listener, he wouldn’t mind to sit and listen for hours. They have shared laughs all the day, they fell in each other’s love and got along like a house on fire. They had the same friends, the same outings; they also started to get mutual habits of everything. They gave everything they had only to please each other and not feeling bored or lonely. And when it comes to loyalty, I can bet they were the most loyal friends life ever knows.

Flower was contagious and Aras caught the virus; they were a carbon copy of each other, they had the same keywords, they could get each other simply by saying two words, they accepted their differences and rarely disagreed. This relationship got to a point where it was a part of their lifestyle to meet up every day and talk about the obstacles they face, the happy moments they lived away from each other and every tiny story the heard about.

The most beautiful thing is when they get into a problem or a misconception, they just disconnect and stop talking but everyone is waiting for the other to buzz him/her. However, the first meeting after the fight should be avoided due to the overdose of insulting words they call each other by but it always ended up with laughter, again.

BUT, because every story has an ending, because nothing lasts forever but love and respect and because these guys have a bigger purpose on this earth, Flower had to leave and get away, and Aras couldn’t stop her from getting her right and here comes the sacrifice. He loved her to a point where he was willing to give her whatever she might ask him for, he spent countless nights thinking about her and how he can help, he gave up on all of his colleagues only to spend much more time with her, he briefly loved her like no one ever did. But now Flower is grown up and strong, she’s independent and capable. Aras, can’t hold himself from crying, the one he loved all this time is now almost gone but he still has one more thing to prove his love, he will help Flower get what she wants though it hurts to see her with someone else…

 

Note: the story has more details but I could not share them only to make it easier and get to the point. I hope I can share this one day and publish a whole book about it, it is going to be worth it, trust me.

A Message to God

Dear God,

I would like to start my speech with saying “Thank you God”, thank you for the countless blessings you gave to us, thank you for creating us the way we are, thank you for being closer to us even more than ourselves, thank you for the borders and limitations you put on earth, thanks for the justice, mercy, faith, belief  and every simple thing that I cannot mention because I cannot realize or recognize, because your mercy is way beyond our senses and abilities. I would also like to express my gratitude about the role you sent to me in the game of life; about the abilities and qualifications you gave me to overcome the daily occurrences and obstacles. Moreover, I want you to know that I am completely willing and convinced about the way you created me because you didn’t do it randomly or aimlessly. I realize how hard it is to figure out the creation of people and circumstances but I at least know clearly the reason I have this role.

God, today, I really need to acknowledge that I am a big sinner; I am a bad worshiper, guilty, selfish, unjust, traitor, wrongful, unequal, and sinful but I still proudly believe in you, and that there is no other God but you. Directly or indirectly, you always alert me when I go wrong but I keep on it, you always remind me of your judgment but I forget, and you sometimes punish me but I resist. Besides, I know I have turned over hundreds or may be thousands of new pages but I could not fight my needs and desires due to the lack of religion and education or I did not mean it deeply.

Every day for me is a new blank page, I start writing good stuff until my challenge hits, it impedes all my plans and thoughts, and it stops me from improving and achieving. I try and try to defend my army and keep the walls up but seems like the devil has more powers than me to smash my walls down to earth. Sometimes, I insist on the disability but I end up losing my hope, faith and think of getting adapt to it.

I always was ahead of my generation with unbeatable spirit for the best but today, I can see it lost and striving to reach the minimums of its vanished goals. The ones I used to criticize are today better than me and on their way to the top, my colleagues graduated from the university while I am still struggling to pass in my exams. I thought I have the character and opinion but discovered that it was all an illusion. In addition, I see myself depressed, confused, worried and remorseful all the time, I am undecided whenever it comes to make a decision, I do not have friends, I am not close to my family, I cannot pray at the mosque, I cannot friend religious guys because they seem unfriendly to me, I have not achieved any of my goals in the last few years although I had the best plans and discipline. It sounds like I am in the bottom of this world with those who could care less about life and faith and do chase their desires.

New beginnings and repentance, may I ask how could someone embark on such a project? How could we throw this life away and adapt a totally new one? How could we change the book instead of a new page? I have tried over and over again to sail away from my sins but I maintain this unknown rope that takes me back with no way to get rid of it. Then, if it happens, I surprisingly face a bigger challenge which pulls me stronger back to square one!

This is not where I want to be or even who I want to be, I believe that I got myself here and this is why I am writing to you God, I do acknowledge my faults and sins, that I am wrong and deserve to get punished but life is not that easy, I mean it is very hard to stick to religion and commit a conservative lifestyle, I want something and I am supposed to choose another. The world has gone insane, right is wrong and wrong is right, and with my disability, I am attracted to what is wrong, unwittingly. God, you absolutely know how hard it is to swim against the stream and this is what I would do if I decided to leave my needs behind me, so here I am asking you to give me a helping hand because merely thinking about it does sound impossible.

I am sorry God, I do apologize for choosing the easiest and wrongful path, I am sorry for letting the animalistic part of me take the lead, I am sorry for the lost years of my life that should have been spent in doing good. I am sure all the wonders and questions I have will be answered in the near future but it just gets so tough sometimes and I cannot bear it anymore. Again, I know I am wrong and this call might be pointless if I do not intend it deeply, so please God, give me patience over the things I cannot control, give me strength to defeat the devil, give me resistance to confront my disability and walk over it, send me faith, belief and good people. Forgive me God, forgive me…

Your sincere worshiper!